I found this on someone's blog and thought it would be cool to post here. Although I see how much I have done, gosh, there is so much more -- and this list doesn't cover all the things I'd like to accomplish too. I have not made it across the oceans yet further than Hawaii one way, nor to Europe yet. Will Kaz be my first European(Asian?) adventure? What is next to follow? Surely, Italy, Prague, Amsterdam and definitely Romania and Austria -- lands of my ancestors. All in good time!
So here's what you do, copy and paste this into your own blog or send to friends. Put in bold type all the things you have done in your life so far. Here's mine!
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band ....at school
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child -- working on it
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle/moped
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day
and here are a couple of others that I'm proud of:
* gutted a house in its' entirety and been in charge of all changes and manifestations for 5 months straight with an infant in a baby bjorn attached me to while I negotiated with painters, contracters, tile people, electricians. From the minutia of selecting where electric outlets go, to picking doorknobs for every door, to selecting windows and doors, to picking tiles and flooring for every room in the house, to manifesting a bathroom and kitchen exactly as imagined -- all without my husband's input. No wonder I'm always looking for a new project. That was the hugest project of my life just 3 years ago.
* had our family featured on two episodes on The Learning Channel
* been published in two national magazines
* traveled cross country for six weeks from coast to coast and saw most of the national parks and the kitch that makes America fun, and ultimately almost every state in the U.S.
* became the first college graduate in my family
* being a constant learner -- have taken ongoing courses on writing, photographry, empowerment
* raised two wonderful girls with a strong sense of sisterhood
* my wonderful relationship with my mother, how lucky I feel
* my family of four -- our network, always striving to grow and be closer and more connected
* my long relationship with Gary, how we have grown, conquered and overcome.
* my unbelievable life long friendships
* the courage to follow my adoption dream against many odds
And as for my adoption news, looks like I'm back to square one on having to get both my and my husband's fingerprints redone for our clearances for our homestudy. Looks like the universe had other plans for our adoption timeline. Both sets of prints from me and Gary were rejected. Seems sort of strange as both of our FBI prints had no problems and the same woman did them. But there must have been something out of our control on this one. It's just frustrating as it's been now 7 weeks since I sent them in and now I first have to recieve the blank cards in the mail from the Home Study agency and then make an appointment to go to the Police Precinct and then wait another 4-6 weeks. I hope this all comes together before Thanksgiving, but even if so, the holiday will surely delay the proces. Originally, Journey Home estimated I'd be completely done with my dossier by Dec. 1. I am barely there yet. I also found out my dear social worker was in a terrible car accident and has been hospitalized for weeks. I don't know any details and I wish her a speedy recovery. We've got to count our blessings every day. That is for sure.
SK
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Beautiful Day
A wonderful fall day ... playing in the leaves. A chance to celebrate with Carolyn and Henry their special anniversary. Inspiration and happiness. Energy and creativity. My chocolate covered macaroons were a hit. Great day moving a lot of my writing goals forward. Super photos of my girls were achieved easily this afternoon. Some days it all just comes together.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Twilight Zone
I swear, I usually live in a world where the glass is always half full. I don't believe in black clouds. I most often find the silver lining. But I am just downright mind boggled. And of course I do realize how blessed I am, and the Twilight Zone episode that I'm about to tell you about pales in comparison to so many disappointments of others. In fact, being that this blog will one day be a form of a baby journal, I'd rather focus on the good stuff that gets us moving forward. At the same time, I also realize that this blog is being read by some who are in the same part of the process as we are -- and for the sake of sharing my journey, the accidental detours are important too. Again, hopefully smooth sailing going forward.
First of all, I do have to say that after great communication with my Home Study Agency the past couple of days, it was determined that an update email was sent to me 3 weeks ago on my old email account. Although I have used my new gmail account during our most recent email exchanges, my AOL account is obviously what is still in the files. The unfortunate part is that in the email from October 12 that I never actually saw, I was notified that my State Central Register Database document (Child Abuse clearance) was never received along with my application, payment and fingerprint cards. Yesterday, I was told that New York State had not gotten back to them about our clearance yet. Perhaps when I was told that, I was confused with someone else for that moment. It seems that ultimately my documents were completely MIA; they had never been received and therefore could never be sent anywhere in order to move us forward. I very clearly remember filling out this document. I recall letting Gary know where to sign at the bottom. I remember that all our addresses fit on one page without needing the second sheet. But ... the crazy part is, though I keep copies of all of the documents I send out, I, too, did not have a copy of this anywhere either. Did I dream the filling out of the document? I can no longer be sure.
Now, since that takes 3 weeks to get approved, and I didn't know that the email was sitting in an unread email box for those very 3 weeks, I feel like I wasted all that time too -- in addition to my unaccepted and smudged fingerprint delay. I'll resend this document out tomorrow, and it will take 3 weeks and hopefully coincide with what happens with my fingerprints. Still no word on whether or not my second set of prints have been approved. But, according to today's conversation, it might be that no news is good news and it could just be passing through the process.
And I thought vomiting ten times a day tired me out?
According to Julie at JHA, and I'm gonna go with her on this one, it must mean that Baby Boy has just not been born yet.
I remain so grateful for my family as I do realize how much more difficult this wait for Baby Boy would be, and surely is for others, if I did not have his big sisters in the wings to keep me busy. I just hope he is healthy and safe, wherever and whenever he is. We'll be there soon.
I think that it is appropriate now to recall the lyrics of Tracy Chapman's The Promise.
Here is a link to YouTube. Please pause my Playlist at the bottom of this blog so that you can hear the YouTube song. The song is most likely about a romantic relationship, but I have seen the song listed as an adoption song too. And clearly the sentiments described are what I feel. Child of mine, I vow to come for you
if you wait for me and say you'll hold a place for me in your heart.
First of all, I do have to say that after great communication with my Home Study Agency the past couple of days, it was determined that an update email was sent to me 3 weeks ago on my old email account. Although I have used my new gmail account during our most recent email exchanges, my AOL account is obviously what is still in the files. The unfortunate part is that in the email from October 12 that I never actually saw, I was notified that my State Central Register Database document (Child Abuse clearance) was never received along with my application, payment and fingerprint cards. Yesterday, I was told that New York State had not gotten back to them about our clearance yet. Perhaps when I was told that, I was confused with someone else for that moment. It seems that ultimately my documents were completely MIA; they had never been received and therefore could never be sent anywhere in order to move us forward. I very clearly remember filling out this document. I recall letting Gary know where to sign at the bottom. I remember that all our addresses fit on one page without needing the second sheet. But ... the crazy part is, though I keep copies of all of the documents I send out, I, too, did not have a copy of this anywhere either. Did I dream the filling out of the document? I can no longer be sure.
Now, since that takes 3 weeks to get approved, and I didn't know that the email was sitting in an unread email box for those very 3 weeks, I feel like I wasted all that time too -- in addition to my unaccepted and smudged fingerprint delay. I'll resend this document out tomorrow, and it will take 3 weeks and hopefully coincide with what happens with my fingerprints. Still no word on whether or not my second set of prints have been approved. But, according to today's conversation, it might be that no news is good news and it could just be passing through the process.
And I thought vomiting ten times a day tired me out?
According to Julie at JHA, and I'm gonna go with her on this one, it must mean that Baby Boy has just not been born yet.
I remain so grateful for my family as I do realize how much more difficult this wait for Baby Boy would be, and surely is for others, if I did not have his big sisters in the wings to keep me busy. I just hope he is healthy and safe, wherever and whenever he is. We'll be there soon.
I think that it is appropriate now to recall the lyrics of Tracy Chapman's The Promise.
Here is a link to YouTube. Please pause my Playlist at the bottom of this blog so that you can hear the YouTube song. The song is most likely about a romantic relationship, but I have seen the song listed as an adoption song too. And clearly the sentiments described are what I feel. Child of mine, I vow to come for you
if you wait for me and say you'll hold a place for me in your heart.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Catch Up Time
It's been a while since I have posted. Where to begin. I have been a bit upset about a timing snafu that has occurred very early in my adoption paperwork process. Just as I have heard over and over again -- Expect the unexpected. In between feeling really bad about my mess up, I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and that the timing is going to work out exactly as it needs to to get our son home.
So ... what happened is the following. If you refer to my timeline, I believed I was handing in final documents to my Home Study Agency in the first few days of October. After crossing all my Ts and dotting my Is and being so diligent in other areas of this process, I'm not quite sure what made me think that the Child Abuse Clearance and the New York State Criminal Record Fingerprints were some of the *last* paperwork required. Perhaps I confused this with something else or just wasn't thinking it through? After all, I have already admitted to being someone who sends her daughter to school in regular clothing on Pajama Day and sends the other daughter on the same day to school in Orange, when it was Red Day, so of course confusion is not unheard of in my world. Anyhoo, it was only once I sent everything in, thinking that the procedures for these items would take just days and then my HomeStudy would be complete and FINAL, leading me on to all the subsequent steps, that I find out that these clearances are a 4-6 week process. The realization of my faux-pas floored me. How could I have been so foggy headed? After all my lengthy decision making, I had never intended to delay our journey any longer. But it was no longer up to me. I tried to just go with the flow. And wait the 4-6 weeks. What was so bothersome is that the homestudy report was actually done and our Social Worker was just waiting for these clearances to come back from the Home Study Agency. Once the clearances came through, I could then complete my I600A application by sending in a final homestudy report. This in turn, would lead me to the I171. Everything leads to the next, a rolling snowball gaining momentum and leading us closer to complete our family. And lo and behold, I just stalled myself by 4-6 weeks. OY VEY!
To compound things, for the past three weeks, I could not get a hold of my HomeStudy Agency (different from our Social Worker). I know she works another job as well so there was the reality of timing. I could never seem to catch her. But a phone call back to just touch base, that "Yes, I got your paperwork and it's still in process," would have eased my worried heart. Today, I finally got that return call, and was told that, not only have our clearances taken way longer than is usual, but both my and my husband's fingerprints have been rejected due to smudging. Four weeks of waiting through this process just to be told that our prints are unacceptable was Murphy's Law (though I know this is not uncommon at all.) However, tomorrow I am expecting another call back from the agency telling me if our duplicate set of prints (after all, we each did two sets just in case something like this happened) has been approved. If by some chance it has not, then we'll be mailed other Fingerprint cards to RE-DO immediately, and the agnecy will expedite them through the process.
I was hoping to travel over the summer to make it easy for my husband and my children's work and school schedules. But again, I must relinquish all of those wishes, because I know that this timeline is not my own. It's a time in my life that, although I'm disappointed, I have to realize that It is What It is. I took my time getting the process rolling to begin with with a very lengthy Decision Making Mode. Now being ready, I can't expect it all to go flawlessly. I do hope, however, that the important stuff in regards to our child is smooth as butta.
Furthermore, Gary is not really part of this dossier/homestudy collection. Now yes, he goes with me to fingerprint appointments and doctor visits, but he's just following my lead. If I tried to explain what happened with the fingerprints, I'd have to make it in very clear terms. Simply, we might just have to do this again. He has not felt the effects of the four weeks of waiting, so it's not the same for him. I have to get used to waiting, as once the Dossier is in, I almost have to just live my life and let it go. It will pass through the process at the timing it was supposed to.
So that was my Snafu and Upset this past month. Hopefully, it will all be worked out perfectly for us to unite with Baby Boy at the right time.
On other lovely news, we had a great visit with Carolyn and Henry a few weeks back on October 18th. What special friends we have in them. The joy it brings me to see Emma and Eden play with Henry is just great. I continue to be amazed at my childrens' openness to others, their desire to love another baby and have one join our family. They surprise me each time, even though by now I should know to expect it.
Here is a photo that Carolyn took of our kids in May 2008 and the same shot just a few months later in October 2008. Click on the image to enlarge and see what a few months can do. I look forward to these photos throughout the coming years!
And here are a couple of photos of the girls, taken by Carolyn. Emma and Eden are sporting a couple of the embellished hair clips I have been making as practice for my future fundraising endeavor: Clips for Kaz! (stay tuned ...)
Today, my friend Oriana and her two sons came over. Frankie is one of Eden's best friends. They now live in NJ so it was really great to have them visit. Her new baby is just 6 months old. Once again, how Emma and Eden both were with this little boy was remarkable. I complimented Emma at the end of the evening about how great she was with all of the little kids and even the baby. She was very proud of herself and said "Does that mean I get to have a little brother?"
Emma kept the 3 year olds very busy playing school and cutting out fruits and veggies and these crowns announcing it was Fruit and Vegetable Day. Even she must have felt the effects of too much Halloween candy.
Here are just a couple of photos of Emma passionately explaining something to me. Though right now, I can't remember what she was explaining. Nevertheless, I sure love her bright contagious enthusiasm. May she always be so passionate and excited about her ideas!
In regards to baby brothers, the kids still don't know this is official. I think the wait would be unbearable and possibly, more so, incomprehensible. So I at least must wait until the Dossier is complete. These delays and snafus would be too confusing for them. One day, when they are older, they will read this journal and will be old enough to follow the journey to their little brother in earnest. I may be terrible at putting photo albums together (I'm not sure Eden even has one album!) but I thankfully, have always been a writer, a recorder of things and events. I know I'm too hard on myself about a million things lately (what's up with that? ;-), and lack of photo albums being one of them. But with the dawn of a new era here, I think it's high time I spent just 20 minutes a day towards the accomplishment of this seemingly inconsequential, but yet so meaningful, goal. I will no longer be satisfied showing the kids a photo on the computer. No longer be satisfied telling Emma just to look at a photo for a minute so that I can put it back in the right photo pile so that they remain in order for the day I will one day make the albums. This is the bain of my existence, when I'm not thinking of real important matters, of course! In one year from now, I do not want to be talking about this. And I am hopeful I won't.
That being said, there are actually a few topics I don't want to be talking about in a year ;-) I know I'm busy with the day to day of my life with two children and Gary's very long hours, but I really want to remember to focus on stuff that is meaningful to me in a different kind of way. My photography, my writing, my exercise goals -- the stuff that,aside from being a mom, makes me me. I am a huge idea person -- I love the adrenaline rush of a fresh idea, a plan, a lightbulb moment, a burst of inspiration. But, a known fact, I just have always been challenged with seeing things through to completion. So although I adore my ideas, the satisfaction of completion is not often there for me. In many things, yes, but certainly not in all that I do. I am vowing now outloud that things are going to change. Goals will be met in 2009. Small, attainable. I want to trust myself. Yes, I can! ;-)
Watching a bit of the NYC Marathon on TV the other day, my eyes filled with tears. How beautiful to see these runners! Not the running in and of itself, but the fact that these people trained, committed and dedicated themselves to something far greater than many of them perhaps ever thought they'd achieve. I may never run a full marathon, but I just spoke to my friend Alissa and we are going to commit to finding a worthy cause and running a 5K this spring. Something small, something attainable, but nonetheless, a goal reached. Compound this with last night's history making election results, I have to realize that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE if I set my mind to it.
In other news ... Ah, Halloween -- not exactly a Jewish holiday, but a tradition we do participate in here in lovely Brooklyn, NY. I can not imagine a more fantastic place to Trick or Treat than my own idyllic neighborhood. Just a few blocks over from where I live, houses are semi-attached and super close together, and just a few steps lead up to the front door. Easy as pie to walk just a few blocks and come home with several pounds of candy. Unneccessary, but certainly fun for all involved. Eden, at one point, had enough with going door to door. She was content to suck on a huge lollipop and happily call it a day. Some streets have over 60 homes on them. In this area, the Halloween atmosphere is more Carnival and Block Party than I would think might be typical. The streets are literally teeming with HUNDREDS of children and families all in full holiday gear. The weather was perfect. People milling the streets, home owners giving out candy, drinking wine, laughing with neighbors, all the school kids recognizing each other ... or not. It is remarkable and lovely to feel a part of this. And once again, when we do find ourselves in a suburb of NYC eventually, this Brooklyn feel that I love so much, will be an aspect especially missed. Can't find parking when you run errands, but you gotta love a 'hood with spirit.
Eden, Emma, Tyler and Kaitlyn (Eden's Best Friend)
Eden and Kaitlyn
Emma and her good buddy, David, and his sister Kayla
Emma and her twin friends
A Neighborhood Dog with Halloween Spirit! Yet at the same time, quite sophisticated.
And finally ... in my quest for more organization (I have recently added a large and lovely wall calendar in my kitchen that keeps me on my toes), I have followed the footsteps of an inspiring mom I recently met who has alarm clocks for her kids. So I went out yesterday to BJ's to buy alarm clocks. It has made Emma and Eden feel so special to know the exact time, to be in charge of their own wake-up. Equipped with a CD player too, Emma woke up to Rihanna's Disturbia today (she loves that kind of music) and Eden woke up to a more demure Laurie Berkner. Their clothing was laid out the night before, and this morning, both girls dressed themselves, washed their faces and brushed their teeth, before I had yet to say Good Morning to them. Slowly but surely all my systems will be in place, getting me ready for all 5 of us!
And now, I bid you goodnight.
So ... what happened is the following. If you refer to my timeline, I believed I was handing in final documents to my Home Study Agency in the first few days of October. After crossing all my Ts and dotting my Is and being so diligent in other areas of this process, I'm not quite sure what made me think that the Child Abuse Clearance and the New York State Criminal Record Fingerprints were some of the *last* paperwork required. Perhaps I confused this with something else or just wasn't thinking it through? After all, I have already admitted to being someone who sends her daughter to school in regular clothing on Pajama Day and sends the other daughter on the same day to school in Orange, when it was Red Day, so of course confusion is not unheard of in my world. Anyhoo, it was only once I sent everything in, thinking that the procedures for these items would take just days and then my HomeStudy would be complete and FINAL, leading me on to all the subsequent steps, that I find out that these clearances are a 4-6 week process. The realization of my faux-pas floored me. How could I have been so foggy headed? After all my lengthy decision making, I had never intended to delay our journey any longer. But it was no longer up to me. I tried to just go with the flow. And wait the 4-6 weeks. What was so bothersome is that the homestudy report was actually done and our Social Worker was just waiting for these clearances to come back from the Home Study Agency. Once the clearances came through, I could then complete my I600A application by sending in a final homestudy report. This in turn, would lead me to the I171. Everything leads to the next, a rolling snowball gaining momentum and leading us closer to complete our family. And lo and behold, I just stalled myself by 4-6 weeks. OY VEY!
To compound things, for the past three weeks, I could not get a hold of my HomeStudy Agency (different from our Social Worker). I know she works another job as well so there was the reality of timing. I could never seem to catch her. But a phone call back to just touch base, that "Yes, I got your paperwork and it's still in process," would have eased my worried heart. Today, I finally got that return call, and was told that, not only have our clearances taken way longer than is usual, but both my and my husband's fingerprints have been rejected due to smudging. Four weeks of waiting through this process just to be told that our prints are unacceptable was Murphy's Law (though I know this is not uncommon at all.) However, tomorrow I am expecting another call back from the agency telling me if our duplicate set of prints (after all, we each did two sets just in case something like this happened) has been approved. If by some chance it has not, then we'll be mailed other Fingerprint cards to RE-DO immediately, and the agnecy will expedite them through the process.
I was hoping to travel over the summer to make it easy for my husband and my children's work and school schedules. But again, I must relinquish all of those wishes, because I know that this timeline is not my own. It's a time in my life that, although I'm disappointed, I have to realize that It is What It is. I took my time getting the process rolling to begin with with a very lengthy Decision Making Mode. Now being ready, I can't expect it all to go flawlessly. I do hope, however, that the important stuff in regards to our child is smooth as butta.
Furthermore, Gary is not really part of this dossier/homestudy collection. Now yes, he goes with me to fingerprint appointments and doctor visits, but he's just following my lead. If I tried to explain what happened with the fingerprints, I'd have to make it in very clear terms. Simply, we might just have to do this again. He has not felt the effects of the four weeks of waiting, so it's not the same for him. I have to get used to waiting, as once the Dossier is in, I almost have to just live my life and let it go. It will pass through the process at the timing it was supposed to.
So that was my Snafu and Upset this past month. Hopefully, it will all be worked out perfectly for us to unite with Baby Boy at the right time.
On other lovely news, we had a great visit with Carolyn and Henry a few weeks back on October 18th. What special friends we have in them. The joy it brings me to see Emma and Eden play with Henry is just great. I continue to be amazed at my childrens' openness to others, their desire to love another baby and have one join our family. They surprise me each time, even though by now I should know to expect it.
Here is a photo that Carolyn took of our kids in May 2008 and the same shot just a few months later in October 2008. Click on the image to enlarge and see what a few months can do. I look forward to these photos throughout the coming years!
And here are a couple of photos of the girls, taken by Carolyn. Emma and Eden are sporting a couple of the embellished hair clips I have been making as practice for my future fundraising endeavor: Clips for Kaz! (stay tuned ...)
Today, my friend Oriana and her two sons came over. Frankie is one of Eden's best friends. They now live in NJ so it was really great to have them visit. Her new baby is just 6 months old. Once again, how Emma and Eden both were with this little boy was remarkable. I complimented Emma at the end of the evening about how great she was with all of the little kids and even the baby. She was very proud of herself and said "Does that mean I get to have a little brother?"
Emma kept the 3 year olds very busy playing school and cutting out fruits and veggies and these crowns announcing it was Fruit and Vegetable Day. Even she must have felt the effects of too much Halloween candy.
Here are just a couple of photos of Emma passionately explaining something to me. Though right now, I can't remember what she was explaining. Nevertheless, I sure love her bright contagious enthusiasm. May she always be so passionate and excited about her ideas!
In regards to baby brothers, the kids still don't know this is official. I think the wait would be unbearable and possibly, more so, incomprehensible. So I at least must wait until the Dossier is complete. These delays and snafus would be too confusing for them. One day, when they are older, they will read this journal and will be old enough to follow the journey to their little brother in earnest. I may be terrible at putting photo albums together (I'm not sure Eden even has one album!) but I thankfully, have always been a writer, a recorder of things and events. I know I'm too hard on myself about a million things lately (what's up with that? ;-), and lack of photo albums being one of them. But with the dawn of a new era here, I think it's high time I spent just 20 minutes a day towards the accomplishment of this seemingly inconsequential, but yet so meaningful, goal. I will no longer be satisfied showing the kids a photo on the computer. No longer be satisfied telling Emma just to look at a photo for a minute so that I can put it back in the right photo pile so that they remain in order for the day I will one day make the albums. This is the bain of my existence, when I'm not thinking of real important matters, of course! In one year from now, I do not want to be talking about this. And I am hopeful I won't.
That being said, there are actually a few topics I don't want to be talking about in a year ;-) I know I'm busy with the day to day of my life with two children and Gary's very long hours, but I really want to remember to focus on stuff that is meaningful to me in a different kind of way. My photography, my writing, my exercise goals -- the stuff that,aside from being a mom, makes me me. I am a huge idea person -- I love the adrenaline rush of a fresh idea, a plan, a lightbulb moment, a burst of inspiration. But, a known fact, I just have always been challenged with seeing things through to completion. So although I adore my ideas, the satisfaction of completion is not often there for me. In many things, yes, but certainly not in all that I do. I am vowing now outloud that things are going to change. Goals will be met in 2009. Small, attainable. I want to trust myself. Yes, I can! ;-)
Watching a bit of the NYC Marathon on TV the other day, my eyes filled with tears. How beautiful to see these runners! Not the running in and of itself, but the fact that these people trained, committed and dedicated themselves to something far greater than many of them perhaps ever thought they'd achieve. I may never run a full marathon, but I just spoke to my friend Alissa and we are going to commit to finding a worthy cause and running a 5K this spring. Something small, something attainable, but nonetheless, a goal reached. Compound this with last night's history making election results, I have to realize that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE if I set my mind to it.
In other news ... Ah, Halloween -- not exactly a Jewish holiday, but a tradition we do participate in here in lovely Brooklyn, NY. I can not imagine a more fantastic place to Trick or Treat than my own idyllic neighborhood. Just a few blocks over from where I live, houses are semi-attached and super close together, and just a few steps lead up to the front door. Easy as pie to walk just a few blocks and come home with several pounds of candy. Unneccessary, but certainly fun for all involved. Eden, at one point, had enough with going door to door. She was content to suck on a huge lollipop and happily call it a day. Some streets have over 60 homes on them. In this area, the Halloween atmosphere is more Carnival and Block Party than I would think might be typical. The streets are literally teeming with HUNDREDS of children and families all in full holiday gear. The weather was perfect. People milling the streets, home owners giving out candy, drinking wine, laughing with neighbors, all the school kids recognizing each other ... or not. It is remarkable and lovely to feel a part of this. And once again, when we do find ourselves in a suburb of NYC eventually, this Brooklyn feel that I love so much, will be an aspect especially missed. Can't find parking when you run errands, but you gotta love a 'hood with spirit.
Eden, Emma, Tyler and Kaitlyn (Eden's Best Friend)
Eden and Kaitlyn
Emma and her good buddy, David, and his sister Kayla
Emma and her twin friends
A Neighborhood Dog with Halloween Spirit! Yet at the same time, quite sophisticated.
And finally ... in my quest for more organization (I have recently added a large and lovely wall calendar in my kitchen that keeps me on my toes), I have followed the footsteps of an inspiring mom I recently met who has alarm clocks for her kids. So I went out yesterday to BJ's to buy alarm clocks. It has made Emma and Eden feel so special to know the exact time, to be in charge of their own wake-up. Equipped with a CD player too, Emma woke up to Rihanna's Disturbia today (she loves that kind of music) and Eden woke up to a more demure Laurie Berkner. Their clothing was laid out the night before, and this morning, both girls dressed themselves, washed their faces and brushed their teeth, before I had yet to say Good Morning to them. Slowly but surely all my systems will be in place, getting me ready for all 5 of us!
And now, I bid you goodnight.
Just What I Needed To Read
Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother. The adoptive family came to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb. Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family. Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds, not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart. She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history. She embraces the facts of
her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper. Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there. She is secure in knowing that she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.
-unknown
her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper. Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there. She is secure in knowing that she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.
-unknown
Sunday, October 19, 2008
One Year
Today I spoke with Carolyn about her One Year Anniversary of meeting Henry coming up in a few days. And just now, as I'm about to go to sleep for the night, I realize that October 19, which it technically is now as it's after midnight, is the day I first began my blog. One year of laying my thoughts out on the line in hopes that my prayers over what to do would be answered. Back then, I wondered if we would add to our family at all, and would adoption be in our future. Back then, this blog was called Deciding to Adopt. And now, 365 days later, with my dossier in process, I see what a year can do. In one year, I see the love of Henry and Carolyn, the amazing strides he's taken, the family they have become. In one year, I see that we, too, are finally on our way.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Night Terror?
Last night, the strangest thing happened. Eden, who has never done this before in this manner, woke up screaming at about 11:30pm. She was inconsolable when I went into her room. She shrieked when I touched her, kicked at me, yelled at me to alternatively come to her and then get away. I told her "Eden, it's Mommy! Mommy's here!", thinking she was just still in her dream. I patted her face. I brought her to the bathroom thinking she had to go. She was screaming still, was not answering my questions of whether or not she was ill or in pain. I tried to do a holding technique to calm her but I was holding a wild animal. I just laid with her in her bed then,thinking I'll just be with her through this. I was wondering if this might be how it feels to be home with a child who might be grieving and missing his home. But, as if she didn't know me at all, she wanted nothing to do with me and bucked uncontrollably until I got up from her bed. I called Gary to come home as he was still at his office (Friday nights are super late nights due to weekend events.) Gary came home and it was still the same, though slightly better. Finally, he brought her downstairs to give her a drink thinking something in her belly would change the pattern. At last, he put her in front of the TV to watch cartoons at about 1am where from a distance, I watched her watching the TV like a zombie, until her eyes fluttered closed and she slept. This morning she woke up completely normally -- her happy smiley and lovable mushy self.
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