Thankful and Grateful!!!

I wrote this gratitude list last night, after a scary situation in which Emma fell on her head (doing a crazy dance move) and her headache would not go away. As those of you who read a recent post of mine know, I had such severe anxiety over the senselessness of Natasha Richardson's death and its' unusual cause (what appeared to be a light fall into soft snow.) Emma fell harder, though on carpet, and from not too high off the ground. But the headache wouldn't go away and the Mama instinct in me rose up -- it was like an internal flight or fight syndrome -- and minutes later I took her to a children's hospital. All is okay! Better safe than sorry ... thank G-d!!



I am grateful for today.

I am grateful for a 3 hour nap that I just woke from (at 10 pm) which
surely will mean I won't sleep tonight -- but I needed it BADLY.

I am grateful all is well with Emma after her falling on her head last
night which lead to a headache that would not go away.

I am grateful for the cold sweat that crept up on me when 10 minutes
later Emma was still holding her head and didn't want to get up and
meant "Get to a hospital! Just go! Don't think if other people think
you are over reacting."

I am grateful for getting ourselves 25 minutes away to a children's hospital in
New Jersey (where we were visiting my MIL) and for the kind doctors who observed and made sure Emma was A-Ok. A bad brain jostling (light concussion was doubtful, most likely just contusion) which resulted in a 2.5 hour pulsating headache for her, but nothing that required further testing, except for my own observations of her into today.

I am grateful for the CNN story that Karen sent me last week about
head injuries, because I'm not sure I would have been as quick to go
to the hospital if not for having that information. THANK
YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Knowledge is POWER!

I am grateful for my in laws who stayed with us for a while
and grateful for my ability to know I could handle the rest, as Gary
was in Connecticut for work and I was just fine on my own. I'm grateful to have felt like a grown up when a huge part of my just wanted to cry to my own mother!

I am grateful for Emma immediately taking pen to paper today and
writing the story of her first hospital stay. Just like her mom!

I am grateful that Emma can now see a hospital is not a scary place --
they were so kind to her and she seemed to enjoy the experience (once
the headache was gone.)

I am grateful for Mama bear instincts even if, in the end, the
situation didn't require serious medical attention.

I am grateful for being able to laugh at what was supposed to be only
a 2 hour visit to my mother in law became the same 8 hour visit it
usually is, if you include the hospital stay and then my drive back
south to pick up Eden at 10:30 pm (who was having a super time playing with Grandma!).

I am grateful for a quick ASL demo tomorrow for a local Brooklyn La
Leche League meeting -- which should be interesting anyway because I
never went to one when I was nursing.

I am grateful that Eden had a playdate today and both normally quiet
girls were boisterous and having fun.

I am grateful for second chances, for health, for taking things one
day at a time.

I am grateful for opportunities and dreams coming true.

I am grateful for my family of four -- for all that I am, all that we
are and all that is most definitely yet to be!

Steph

Rounding the bend ...

and the end is in sight!

Just got our biometrics (fingerprint) appointments today for USCIS. We are due to get them on April 7th. Once done, they say 2-3 weeks of processing until we get the I171H (a last and prized final piece). All ducks now need to align so that my legal paperwork dates match up around that time. Lots to complete, but nothing that is too time consuming. Just the finishing touches ... soon enough.

SK

Riding up the roller coaster again!

I spoke to a very nice man at the United States Immigration office and he pulled my information quickly. He told me that my Home Study did, in fact, arrive on March 12th (the tracking system I checked still said it was lost on that date), and that my fingerprint appointment was mailed out to me on March 23rd. Once I handle that, he said my case will be closed out in about 2-3 weeks. Thank G-d! I couldn't bare more delays from nonsense before we even get anywhere. I have to be more thorough! Attention to detail, so necessary here and in many areas of life, was never my forte. Must be the creative genius in me ;-)

Stephanie

Ready to Regurgitate with Frustration and Dissapointment

Oh,the highs and lows of this day!

I had never checked tracking on United States Postal Service before. When I did, weeks back, to see that my Homestudy met with my I600 form at the USCIS, it said Processed. I actually thought that meant complete.I was not paying attention??? I decided to look now, just because the tracking info paper was in front of me, and I see that Processed meant nothing. What it ultimately meant is that my package was sent somewhere, and actually MIS-SENT. It was then sent again, and then all tracking stops on March 13 with no ARRIVAL anywhere stated. I called and they said, Yes, it was missent and they apologize, but the package should have absolutely arrived by now. They do not know why the tracking on the website is not updated. Ultimately, tomorrow I'll know if the package did in fact arrive. I gave all the information and he said it will be more than likely easy to find this out now. But, ohhh, the dreaded frustration of yet again something that I should have been on top of in a more thorough manner. Or should have understood what I was reading! I probably was disciplining a kid or checking homework at the same time I was reading the tracking info. Oy vey!! But it's just 10 days , not months and months of a delay, but still. I am upset with myself that I wasn't thorough or fully reading and updating daily. If there is a problem, I will simply overnight a new Home Study set tomorrow and track it with UPS OVernight as I always have in the past. G-d, i was thinking that my 4 week wait was almost over!

Thanks for hearing my rant! Oh my humanity!!!! (Seinfeld episode.)

Steph

Playing with my new FlipMinoHD!

In advance of traveling to Kaz, I have already purchased my new Flip. While it won't be used for all video taken (I have a better HD videocam), it will certainly be used to easily and seamlessly upload to YouTube. It is so much fun!

Here is a video of Eden (with a cameo by Emma.)

More fun Flip videos to come!

Just remember, as with all my videos, please remember to pause my playlist at the bottom of the blog so that you can hear the video clip best. Enjoy!

What can I take from this?

Ever since I had learned about Natasha Richardson's accident, I had been on pins and needles, having checked at various points in the day the status updates on the internet. Even though I knew it couldn't be the case, I kept hoping for a miracle, that perhaps it would wind up being nothing. When I found out she had died, I felt an intense sadness, almost nauseous and woke up numerous times that first night. In fact, it was the first thing I thought up immediately upon waking. I had no connection to NR at all in my life except that years ago I had a huge crush on Liam Neeson. Why has this struck me so? There are so many tragedies, so many horrors I read about in my daily newspapers. What about this one has me unable to shake a terrible feeling?

And in fact, after speaking to some people, I see I am not the only one.

Gary thought maybe I connected with the mother part of her and that I felt for her children. I didn't agree, strangely, though I do feel terrible for them but for some reason, I'm not thinking about that as much. In addition to feeling so terrible for Liam who had to fly to her at a time when it was too late to connect and wondering how long they'd been apart before that (the loss of the love of your life), I am struck by the overwhelming sense of how death takes all of us, and there are no preparations. She was on vacation with her children, she had plans to be on Broadway upcoming again, perhaps she had dinner plans that evening and more fun in store the next day. Death doesn't care that you had plans, doesn't care who you are.

Emma has been asking about death a lot lately. I am taking advice from a child therapist who said to make the point be known that Emma will never be alone, as that is probably the primary fear when she thinks about death or going to heaven. I speak to her of the spirit going to heaven and all the beautiful things there, but in truth, my real feelings about it are more scientific and factual. I don't want her to fear, but yet she asks questions that are deeper than her years. I had always told her that we live very long long lives and if you are very very old or very ill and your body is failing, those people will go to heaven. I tell her on a Need to Know basis. But she has come to me with grim discoveries that came to her at her own timeframe - Mommy, did you know that she went to heaven when she was 7? How could that be? And recently, she heard of a 2 year old dying and couldn't believe it. It opened up the door for me to talk about accidents. I have not yet officially told her we all die, though I know the fear of one of us leaving her is tantamount and she gets that this could be the case. I know she is as sensitive to it as I am. My 8 year old nephew the other day told both my kids that they will die, that we all do. Emma was shocked and in disbelief. Going back to the advice of the therapist, I just focused on us having such long long lives ahead of us, and we live safe lives. I was hoping that in some part of her mind, she will absorb what I'd told her in the past, that "at the end of a very very long long life" people go to heaven -- without me having to cause fear and actually say it. I then told her how we live in each other's hearts and we are always together, even when we are not.

I, who sometimes feels so panicky about the finality of it all, can not tell more than this to Emma at this time. She is so sensitive that she has cried empathetic tears for me when I have told her stories of my grandmothers who have passed. In that same episode, months back, she did show a fear that it would happen to one of us. She puts on the jaunty hat of my Grandma Elsie (one of the items I have of hers) and feels a sadness even though she never met her.

Emma has implored of me that if she is ever to go to heaven that I am to grab onto her legs and pull her down. Please, Mom, please! I have cried with her and again stated, we are always together. It also had allowed me the chance to tell her how the body is not needed in heaven, but it is just the spirit, all the goodness in you that goes on. She simply says to me "I just don't get it Mom!"

About 6 months ago, she agained begged me to grab her legs back and I told her that wherever she goes, I'll be there, that we'll be together. She got the sense that I was in fact saying "Yes, we too will one day experience heaven" and she cried tears that were true fear and panic she couldn't get a hold of herself. So much, that I took it back, all I said and said no one is going to die Emma, we are all okay. I felt terrible. Maybe if she asked Gary these hard questions, they would be answered better. I had bought all these books about how to teach about the birds and the bees to a young child, when they begin to ask questions (and she has in small ways) -- but I never knew I'd have to prep myself in reading books on teaching the concepts of death to a young child. I hadn't allowed myself to think about it, and knock on wood, they have not yet experienced it personally in our lives. That is always a natural lesson, one I don't want to think about now.

These are the times when I long for faith of those who are very religious. Emma is wise in so many ways. Despite having learned about G-d at Hebrew school and through things I say and what we read, she doesn't get it at all. Her mind is too factual and mathematical. She only believes what she sees and really struggles. She is not one to believe just to believe. I know the children of my more religious friends know that when they go to heaven they will be with G-d, and that is fine for them. Again, even if Emma had strong beliefs, it's the fear of not being with us, the people she knows, sees, feels and believes that cause worry. Her family, what she sees and knows, is the only things she believes.

Emma has been fearful of death since age 4.5 when her tactless Pre-K teacher told the class point blank that Abe Lincoln went to see a show and was shot in the back of the head while sitting in his chair and died. This was at a time when I had been going to a lot of Broadway shows. At age 4.5, i couldn't understand why Emma was so fearful each time I left the house to go somewhere. Finally, she asked me -- won't you be shot in the head when you are sitting in your chair? That led me to the discussion about terrible people in the world and assured her that we surround ourselves with good people.

I know I'm not doing it perfectly, but I also know the limitations of my daughter. And at 6.5, I just don't think she can handle as much as she portends to want to know. I have asked other friends and their kids do not speak or think about death nearly to the degree that Emma questions it. Emma is not morbid, she is simply a thinker. One who does get the gist of it. We speak about pets dying or even bugs, but it's the people and our family that put her in a state of panic -- it's the best word I know to describe the sudden realization of one day not being with us.

I often talk about living a worthy life with her and doing our best and being present. Because I think ultimately, in the end, our fear is about not living and experiencing our potential. We all take the same path ultimately, and our greatest blessing is that we all do, in fact, get to grow old peacefully.

I just want to live presently every day -- to have health and love each day, to not sweat the small stuff, to live by example, to experience more real moments with Gary, to have my children use their experience here as a blessing, with the knowledge that it *is* in fact one time around, to get the chance to bring home our little boy, to have made a difference while here, to have the good things I want to do in this life played out, and for us all to ultimately grow to be old, wise and wonderful older people and know that we played a wonderful role in the story of life.

May Natasha Richardson rest in peace. May her family find peace in time for a life that was well lived and loved. May each day bring them some healing from this tragic loss. Amen.

Did I hear anyone say Aunt Flo must be coming to town? Boy, she must ...

Sleep tight

At Heather's request ;-), these were the Restoration Hardware Baby linens I was drawn to. They match perfectly in either of the two rooms they need to be in. But of course, something else could come up by then. It's just that when I got the catalog in the mail, I was like ... ohhh, *that* was easy!

If you hadn't already noticed, I have a tough time with decisions ;-) So when something hits me right away, I am usually very pleased and just go with my gut.

The crib doesn't move me. It's more functional than anything else. But it also goes with the room. And later on, it becomes a very simple toddler bed.

So that's what I'm thinking for now.

Still a good amount of paperwork ahead of me. I wonder if I really will be done by the originally estimated end of April date. I jumped the gun with these decisions, but hopefully, they are in fact decisions, and won't have to be made at a later time.

I recall the angst of picking out the perfect nursery items when Emma was a baby. The joy over finding what I thought were special items. The more relaxed way in which I chose things when baby Eden had shared her room with Emma. The happiness of knowing they shared the same crib. Really, such few things are needed. And in the end, these are the least of your worries ;-) Of course, it is fun to shop for stuff, to dream and to imagine the day when these things will be needed and used.

Allowing myself ...

these past few days, to venture to ruminate over possible first and middle name combos (even going so far as to guess what his given name would be and where it would fit in, based on a web site showing popular Kazakh and Russian names.) Also, I have searched and found an inexpensive, sleek espresso colored crib that will fit neatly in the small space we have for Baby Boy. The beautiful "antique white"-colored one that Eden and Emma shared (and holds so much sentimentility if I were to use again) appears uber-girly now with a curved rail and bun feet and is, more importantly, a bit large looking for my condensed space. Although this one that I found is a standard crib size, because the sides are simple and uniform (modern looking?), it appears to take up a smaller footprint. I didn't want to overwhelm the room either. The crib I found (Sorelle City Lights in Espresso) becomes a toddler bed as well, and seems to match well with a lot of my Pottery Barn furnishings in the room that it might be in. A lot simpler than the first crib, and definitely functional in the way we need, and perhaps more boyish. I also allowed myself to pre-select some blue and brown dotted and striped crib linens from the new Restoration Hardware Baby line.

I have a two floor bedroom -- a lovely set of stairs in our bedroom that leads up to an office/lounge area with a separate area for a walk-in style closet. I would like to share our king-sized bed with the baby for the start to foster attachment (from what I have read at least, this does help? thoughts??) but will consider that the actual crib will share space in the corner of our room, or in what will eventually be a crisp, clean and organized upstairs attic/office/lounge area. It's completely finished, very cozy and just 12 steps up from where our bed is with no door to separate us -- but perhaps just a bit quieter for him. I will not need a changing table -- as I will simply place my changing pad on any nearby surface -- our bed, a floor -- as I often did with Emma and Eden even though we did have a designated changing station in their rooms. I will keep changing table essentials, however, on each floor of the house. I recently used, for a visiting friend, our travel high chair (the kind that fits onto a chair and really is quite fine) and our toddler bath. They are both in perfect condition. Big musical toys abound in my house, as do puzzles, shape sorters and rows of books that burst from overstuffed shelves. But my love and excitement that grows for this little one to arrive (still amidst a good portion of people who don't know yet and a husband who is *still* dreading the travel process and really doesn't want to talk about logistics with me) grows stronger each day.

I'll be honest with you. Gary fell in love with Emma right away - His eyes filled with tears the minute he saw her and he didn't stop crying for about one month. With Eden, it took a bit longer for him to "fall in love" though he would not admit this and perhaps doesn't even know it on a conscious level. He was a daddy to an almost three year old girl when Eden was born and that sort of superceded the ability to bond as quickly with a baby who just slept and cried, what babies do. With Emma, there were no distractions and the love happened instantaneously. With Eden, he *loved* but the "falling in" part of it was more gradual. So my fear is how this little boy will creep and then fit into his Daddy's heart? Am I right to assume it will take a while for Gary to adore his son? No doubt he will *do* all the right things, as he is so good with children and our friends' children love him and he's very silly with them, etc. Or will I be blown away by how actively Gary gets his head in the game from the beginning. Only time will tell, and, knowing where we started from and the sitting on the fence and then the crossing over, I will absolutely not panic. This love, shall grow. I was really touched when I voiced these concerns to my dear friend Jen and she said "Don't worry about that Steph. Between you and me alone, this little boy's going to have all the love he needs." I already know Jen is Family to us, but to have her say that and include herself already in the loving of our soon to be son was just beyond. Thank you Jen! I know you already know you important that is to me!

Anyway, my point in writing these random, stream of conscious nesting and preparatory thoughts is simply to say that ... IT IS BECOMING REAL FOR ME!!! WOW WOW WOW!

Where We Stand Today ...

This morning Gary and I went to the 63rd Precinct yet again to get our fingerprints. These were a REDO of ones we had done in October 2008 and had sent to West Virginia for our FBI Records, a requirement for the dossier. Due to the lag in our home study materials, the prints we did back in October were considered "old" and needed a more current date. Therefore, it was done again today. Hopefully, these will not be rejected. We took Eden with us, and the officers were kind to give her a little workbook/coloring book on what Police Officers do. She seemed to have fun there.

I had grown to like Officer S., a quiet and kind officer who always did our prints, and was so kind each time we had to come back for reprints, never accepting additional money from us. Even today, because of "all our troubles", she ripped up the $32 check I had written out to the NYPD for their fingerprinting services. She is actually retiring next week -- I had always thought I'd like to introduce our little boy to all the people who'd been so kind to us along the journey. I told her I was hoping to get to show her the little boy she's been so helpful in getting to America -- and she wrote down her email address. I will most certainly alert her when he has arrived!

Later on, I compiled all my prints, with my record request letter and went to the Post Office for my Money Order and shipped everything off to the FBI Record Request location in West Virginia. Journey Home ... I mean With Hope and Love (old habits die hard -- trying to recall to mind easily the new name of our agency) had been so diligent in preparing the dossier collection binder so that each step really has been spelled out so easily for me. It may seem like a lot of paperwork, and it is, but if done in small steps, it has been very doable. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment that now I can move forward on these fronts.

Today, I witnessed my friends 15 month old son signing two word sentences -- for example, "more grapes" and "more book." It filled me with such an excitement to begin the signing process within this year again. I know that I will most likely begin signing the first day I meet our little boy -- when I play with him, surely I will sign "more!" for all the silly things we do. I borrowed a friends Flip and was able to make a little video. I think this can absolutely become a new tech-addiction for me! Please be sure to PAUSE my playlist at bottom of screen in order to properly hear video.


I was walking to a store today and I saw a hip looking Asian guy handing out flyers in front of a store front. I wasn't going to take one but then did and he said something to me in Russian. I was like -- huh? I shouldn't be so surprised -- in my little Brooklyn enclave, which has a very large Russian population, I have seen many Asian looking people (mostly women) speaking Russian. On my way back, I got up my nerve to say "I hope you don't mind my asking -- I have a friend who you look so much like! (I was actually thinking of Henry.) Are you from Kazakhstan by any chance?" He said no he was from Russia. When I looked closely, he had Asian eyes that were light blue. It was quite shocking. Another worker at the store heard what I said and laughed -- he said "I look more Kazakh than he does because of my eyes!" He was Caucasian looking with very almond shaped eyes. Although they were not Kazakh, it was sort of an interesting exchange and meet up in light of my process today.

I felt closer to our goal today, proud of myself for moving things along swiftly again, and felt such a desire to just blurt out to Emma "We're really going to have a brother Emma!!" I kept my mouth shut -- I will wait a bit longer ... and then of course, make sure I have my video camera set up to capture the excitement when my girls discover they too will have a little boy of their own. They so love the boys we know -- Henry and Tyler. Just wait until they discover they get to enjoy a brother one day ... real soon!

Here I am with a little Flip sample again -- Emma will be thrilled to see her first solo YouTube appearance. Pardon my toy clutter in the video ;-) Again, please pause my playlist to be able to hear video.


I do feel excited today ... genuinely. However, it's also compounded with a slight caffeine buzz from my recent McDonald's coffee. Not jittery, just an overall sense of well being. Is that what caffeine does to you or perhaps ... it's just me.

Heading to pick up Eden shortly ... Turkey burgers for dinner tonight -- Oprah's recipe from Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort, party for kids tomorrow and in the evening, a rare chance to dress up and attend a wedding with Gary, hopefully feeling very snazzy with my new beautiful dress and recent 11 (!!) pound weight loss. I'm finally committing on a few areas of my life. Ahhh ... life is good.

Moving along

As of today, my Home Study will soon be joining my I600A application at the USCIS. Hopefully, they will receive it by Monday. I have heard it is a 4-6 week process for me to get the I171H (the *next* step in this process.) That is good news, as the web site listed months long of a wait.

So, throughout this whole process of my delays, I assumed/read/feared/worried/aquiesced to the fact that this process would take us well into 2010. However, Julie from our agency (formerly called Journey Home and now with a name change to With Hope and Love) told me that if our dossier paperwork is in by the end of April (and that seems feasible), that it should be a "paper pregnancy" of 6 months. So we're talking October or November of 2009. I could hardly believe it!!! This child, G-d willing, actually does live and breathe in this world now. He is living in wait, hopefully having a good, safe time with all his needs met, to the best of the caregivers' abilities. My eyes teared up yesterday when I allowed myself to wonder if he is possibly 4 months old or so? When my dear daughters were 4 months old, they were loved, coddled, kissed and squeezed, photographed, cooed at, tickled and massaged. How many times a day did I tell them I loved them? Each milestone, their roll overs, their tummy time, their ability to find their toes and (gosh!) suck on them, were marveled at. I can only hope that this Baby Boy is loved right now in the best way he is able to be loved. Once we are united, will make it up to him, all those missed kisses and hugs and sweet time, for all the days of his life.

I told Gary the timing is now almost 8 months away. The first night I told him this, his cold feet was so severe he could not talk about it. The next night, we were able to talk about the fact that we'll have to officially tell our family when all the paperwork is officially in -- so perhaps some time in May. Then, last night, we allowed ourselves to think of names ... though there was not too much thinking because Gary is set on this one particular name which I never thought we'd name our child. But wow, I might just have a son with as interesting a name as Eden ... Surely some will love it and many might not. But it does sort of fit with the wonder of this experience. Because I was not a fan of many negative comments regarding my joy at selecting Eden's name, including for weeks and months after she was born, I will not be sharing this name for a while. I have to get used to it myself ;-) If Gary has so wonderfully allowed us to add to our family in this way he never imagined, my G-d, I absolutely think I can have him call his son a name he adores.

Sweet success! AKA Our Home Study Arrives!

I am proud to annouce that this evening I checked my mail to find our Elusive and Oh So Spectacular Home Study Hard Copies. With eager fingers, I ripped open the white envelope and then sat down to objectively read the story of the Karp family. From my dreams back in 2006, here now in Feb. 2009 was a legal document that outlined our desire to adopt a child from the Republic of Kazakhstan, notarized and all. Reality set in and my eyes welled with tears. This was Us they were talking about! It was finally here ... this will really happen. And now I can move on with next steps and the all important I171H, which will take between 2 and 12 weeks to arrive. The I-171H is a document you ultimately receive from the INS after filing form I-600A - Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition, along with the application fee and all required documents, the Home Study being one of these documents. Being that I'm now home alone, I have included a self portrait of me from my (oops! dusty) mirror with the famed home study (with pertinent info hidden to protect our privacy of course.)



What is a Home Study -- for those who don't know and those who'd like to know more. The adoption home study is a detailed written report of your family compiled and prepared by a social worker. This can take about three months to finish (For us, due to various things both in and then four months of snafus beyond my control, it took about 7 months.) The adoption home study requires the prospective adoptive family to gather different documents, answer several questions, and explore their reasons for adopting. Through a series of visits and interviews the social worker can get a complete picture of who you are and what life is like in your family. The adoption home study is a part of the decision making process for both the prospective family and the workers. Not only can the adoption home study help the worker place a child into your home who would best fit into your family, but help the family and the worker decide if now is a good time for your family to adopt.

The adoption home study can include the following pieces of information. Keep in mind that each state or country, in an international adoption, may require different information. Our family backgrounds, education, neighborhood and community, physical health, financial statements (very detailed), criminal clearances (including FBI fingerprint checks and child abuse clearances), references from dear people in your life, interviews which include a visit to your home, description of other children in your home if applicable -- almost a biography of YOU in regards to your decision to adopt.

And now, we finally have it!


Today started out as an ordinary day. A slow morning, then some craziness from my kids followed by chaos, followed by Time Outs, followed by Eden falling asleep on her bed due to her own exhaustion. Emotionally drained, I, too, then took a nap to prep myself for my afternoon which was to involve caring for my dear friend Jen's children (age 4 and 15 months) for almost three hours, along with my own. It had been a long time since I had a few hours with a 15 month old -- to care, feed and diaper. Thankfully, and with the help of my marvelous mom who stayed with me to help man the forts, it came back easily.

Today reinforced a few things for me.
-- A 15 month old is a joy to be around.
-- It is exciting to be able to sign again (Tyler is a very active signer!)
-- Eden displayed no jealousy in my caring for Tyler (and really has never shown this when I have held babies.) For now, of course, as I can not be naive to think it will *never* rear its head.
-- Although Eden only has 2 friends, I'm glad she picked Kaitlyn as her main squeeze. They have an adorable and special friendship, made even more special by the fact that Jen and I know each other since childhood too.
-- Emma is a remarkable, trusted carer whose services I didn't request but who genuinely LOVED hamming for Tyler, making him laugh with the kooky things my daughter does when she thinks she's a rapper, holding him, feeding him, engaging him and having him lay on her.
-- Furthermore, it was reinforced to me what an amazing bridge other children are when dealing with babies and toddlers. The choice to eventually take our children to Kaz was not made lightly and now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Emma, and by that time, Eden, will surely help us all bond as a family in a way that perhaps Gary and I couldn't alone. We'd bond as parents to a baby, in a false sense of being a family of three ... but something about how Emma was with Tyler today, and she always is with Carolyn's Henry, has shown me that she will be the bridge that makes us feel like a true family of 5, fairly immediately. This is my hope, at least.

I told Emma and Eden tonight how proud I was of them, that after the rough start to our day, they showed themselves to be wonderful hosts, good friends and above all, really fantastic with a baby in the house. I rubbed my chin as if in thought and said to them ... "You know, your behavior tonight really showed me that you'd be wonderful sisters to a brother ... Hmmm, you are really making me think that it would be great to have a brother in the house." Eden smiled, and Emma squealed with her hands over her mouth and then said "When??? TOMORROW??!" I said these things take time. Again, just reinforcing to me how right I was/am, when I say I really can't announce anything to them officially until fairly soon before travel. Then we can really look at a calendar and know the reality of a brother would soon be upon us.

For now, a small blue and green globe sits on Emma's dresser and she often asks me to point out where her little friend Henry was born. Sometimes at night, we discuss how when the sun is shining brightly here, the sun has set over all the little children sleeping in Kazakhstan and now that we are ready for bed, all the little children are waking up over there. One day, she will be able to tell her little brother the same bedtime story.

With a happy heart and a knowledge that I can and do make my dreams into my reality, I bid you goodnight!


Above, Kaitlyn and Eden in their Unusually Serious Wedding Day Pose


Pretty much how Kaitlyn and Eden look every time they are together.


Above, my dad, Emma and oh so comfortable Tyler


And Emma, just chillaxin' and very comfy in the role of Big Sis