The Starfish

The Starfish Story adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren C. Eiseley (1907-1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean.

As it met the water, he said, “It made a difference for that one.”

Food for thought today

"Occasionally in life, God presents a path that requires a leap of faith to travel. The trailhead looks very promising, but the trail further on is certain to be arduous and long. Those of us on the trail together are going to have to make it up as we go. Yet the vision toward which we travel is life-giving, and the journey will stretch the soul."
by Neil Hamilton

We're giving it some time. My husband and I had a talk last night. As resistent as he was to this idea at first, he is also drawn to the amazingness of it. He is eager to make a decision either way. We have decided to revisit this together at the new year. And he decided that on Jan. 10, his birthday, we will know what choice we will make about how to proceed. I just want to commit either way. The limbo is hard. It's stagnant.

Today my daughter drew me a picture of our family. I said "There are 5 people, who is the other person?" Well, I should have noticed right away that the 5th person was tinier than all the others. She said "That is our new baby brother. Shhh ... don't tell anyone." You can bet that drawing will be saved as we decide what we'll be doing. If I knew it was going to work out okay, I'd say yes in a second. It's the unknowns, the variables, and frankly, the lack of support that I am receiving from people from whom I'd love it most, that make me pull the reins back a little.

I have a few calls in this week to a few families I discovered. We'll chat and after that I'm going to lay low for a good few weeks to let things settle and see what thoughts fill the spaces of my head.

Goodnight!
S

Ode to our friends in Georgia!

There is a family miles away who has been a big influence on me. In the Spring of 2006, I first began looking at blogs. I came across the blog of a family in Georgia who brought home their children from Kazakhstan. I was immediately drawn to their daughter because there was something about her that reminded me of my 5 year old daughter. I even printed out the photo to show to my husband.



Months later, this past September, I went back to blog searching, hoping to read more stories that would convince me this was the path for us (or not). I was able to find this family's email address. We have since exchanged many emails and my husband and I had a phone call with them where they shared all of their experiences with us. They now have three beautiful children from different regions in Kazakhstan.

They have listened to our worries and our fears. Have offered practical insight and offered encouragement and faith. As part of a recent email exchange the dad wrote this to me:

"Don't ever hesitate to share with me. We have been there. I will be nonjudgmental even if you decide not to adopt. It is a totally subjective thing, as it boils down to it. You and your husband are the only ones making this decision, because if you left it up to everyone else you will never reach consensus! I'm proud to be a resource! And one day hopefully I will meet the child that perhaps I played a very small role in bringing to his or her "forever family."

I honestly think that should this come to pass, their role in this will be much bigger than just a small part. I tried contacting other families before and it was a quick information exchange or phone tag that never happened. With them, it was different. Definitely a connection, and one that has been so inspiring and uplifting, that I'm sure that this is one of the powerful ways that only prove that the doors are opening for me, should I choose to acknowledge them.



Another email said this today "When you get a referral it will all become real... so real that you will no longer hear the critics, and you will only see the path that you take to bring that little one home."



Since I haven't given out any information about myself just yet (I'm a newbie to this blog thing and so reluctant to share my business yet) I am not going to name this family. You definitely know who you are. And again, as we are not yet sure what the future may hold, I want to let you know that you have played an instrumental part in one of the biggest and most life changing decisions of our lives. Whatever the outcome, the time you shared with us, the insight and care you provided have been priceless. Our appreciation knows no bounds. Thank you.

It's Our Decision

If I listened to all the opinions around me, which range from jubilation to judgement, we would never get to a consensus. That's if we were asking for one, that is. It is totally up to us, and it is a totally HUGE decision.

Which is why no decision has been made yet.

It is the research itself that makes this a huge part of my inner life. But outwardly my husband and I have done nothing to move this process forward at all nor will we for a long while.

I am someone who researches ad nauseum and is someone for whom, when a decision *is* finally made, I feel COMPLETELY and OVERWHELMINGLY SUPER CONFIDENT in my next steps. That is why recent questions posed to me by well meaning friends have propelled me to delve even a little deeper into various aspects of this journey. And in turn I appreciated the opportunity to ask questions I had not asked before and to research topics that had not previously come up in all my readings. I am not oblivious or in denial to challenges that may (or may not) arise. But to throw in my towel based on other people's fears is never something that would cross my mind. I haven't been thinking of this for 17 years for nothing.

I am not a religious person. Spiritual, yes. But I long for the amazing faith of a woman whom I spoke to yesterday. Almost a stranger, I've only seen her a few times at my daughter's soccer games. And yet here we were, along with another mom on the bleachers, discussing our views of G-d and Heaven and faith and beliefs. For almost two hours. It was no ordinary mom conversation and it was especially enjoyed by me. She said something that struck me. "When I have faith, I have never doubted." She told me I should "pray about it", pray for G-d to open doors for me or pray for my decision thoughts to be taken out of my head should this really not be the path for me at all.

I have prayed in my life for people to be well, for healing. I have never prayed for answers. But this morning I did. I prayed that soon it will become crystal clear what we were meant to do. I prayed for the faith to know that whatever we decide is what is truly right for our family. When a decision is finally made, whenever that may be, I can assure you, we will have no doubts.

Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken (1915)

I loved this poem since high school. Food for thought and just a beautiful poem.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Will we or won't we?

I took a fantastic class in the Spring of 2006 called You, Inc. It tied in perfectly with me having just found out about The Secret and the premise of holding a thought in your head, putting it out there into the "universe" at large ... and ultimately making it happen.

I have been thinking about International Adoption since I was about 18 years old when I first saw the 20/20 episode about the terrible conditions in the orphanages in Romania. My father's parents were born in and grew up in Romania, and I was quite close with them before they passed, grew up loving their songs and traditions. So it was no wonder I had felt a connection to this tragic story of the lost children of Romania from the very beginning. And so it was, at an age when I had just begun college, had yet to get married or have children of my own, the idea of adopting a child was a seed that became firmly planted in my head.

But buried.

I grew up in a traditional Brooklyn Jewish family -- lots of fun family cultural dinners, very loud people, lots of yelling, lots of laughs too. A fun hobby of some of my relatives at various family functions was always talking about who looked like who -- who had whose eyes, hair color, personality, skin tone. At that early age, no one that I knew of had ever adopted a child. Growing up, no one that I knew was adopted. And yet.

It was something that sort of became a pipe dream for me. There were a lot of variables that I thought about. My husband and I wanted three children -- so I would say to myself, if we have three kids and a home and the finances to afford a fourth child, then I would love to do this huge mitzvah of taking in another child into my home. My husband was never on board with the idea of adoption being part of our own lives, but he too loved the idea in theory.

And so it happened that in this class we had an assignment called "If I can see it, I can believe it." On this page in our scrapbooks, we were to cut out photos of ideas, things, aspects of our lives we absolutely wanted to come true. On these pages was the watch I want, some vases, a mirror. The following page had a photo of a couple in love (so that my husband and I would always remain best friends), Diane Keaton because I love how gracefully she's aged, Oprah and her "girls" because I love the amazing work she does for children and literacy, a cut out of my face with Demi Moore's body because one day I'll value that commitment more than my Dunkin Hines Chewy Fudge Brownies. The last photo that I cut out and carefully pasted into my book was a photo that has been in my head for about 7 months now. Angelina Jolie with her son, Pax.

I flip open the pages of this book often. How else to guide me and remind me to live a life of all that I hold dear -- in both tangible and far deeper ways. "If I can see it, I can believe it." My watch has been selected, vases have been purchased. Facial creams are slathered on daily, healthy greek yogurt is part of my morning ritual. Family time is carved out of very busy weeks. Medications are taken, therapies are administered. The next indicated step is always taken. Family is my priority above all else. Books are read and businesses are begun. Things are happening ... I'm making them happen. And the photo of Angelina Jolie -- once a symbol of a pipe dream, the 'if onlys', the 'wouldn't it be nice?', has actually become a decision that deserves to be made -- in other words, a TRUE POSSIBILITY. The reality of this prize is an amazing life we can give to someone and the joy of some little child who can add to ours.

It has been 6 months of research now. Agencies called, blogs researched and devoured and friendships made across miles with people whose shoes I'm considering walking in. And a preliminary decision made based on lots of research and many factors that made sense to us that, should we decide to proceed, perhaps it is Kazakhstan in Central Asia (nestled between Russia and China) that might hold our future. I have a husband who is yet to be fully convinced this is a path for us, but yet who, G-d bless him, grows more willing each day to consider expanding our family in such a unique way. Two loving and special daughters who smile at the idea of a baby brother are a great factor in this family equation.

And yet. A fear. A fear of the unknown, the 'what ifs', the 'should I's' and 'will we reallys?' Holy s--t! Will we REALLY? A wonder of whether we should expand our family through a pregnancy of my own or take the road not taken. Will there be a regret either way. Or not. This is it, this is our life. Whatever we choose, this is it. A huge question of who is the child we were meant to have. In what manner should we pursue our journey to 5. And are we okay to be a family of four. YES! YES we are. I lov emy family. I am decidedly content now but willing to take risks to have the larger family I always envisioned we'd have down the road when we're old and gray. Amazingly, thankfully, finances in order and having healthy bodies and minds, we have the ability to choose the manner in which we make this happen. Should we decide to at all. What to do? Crystal ball, anyone?

The notion of saving a life, of kissing and holding him/her, of tucking in a small child who never had such simple luxuries, of loving a child like my own, S/He IS MY OWN, of providing this great country that is America, of offering an education, of showering our child with love and life lessons and two great big sisters, of offering guidance and intervention and resources previously unimaginable and two loving parents and a home and warmth. A simple and serendipitious chance to be part of our crazy, wacky, loving, warm, adventurous life.

Or the continuation of our own blood line? Another child who looks like my two beautiful girls, who shares my creativity and love of words, who is an entrepreneur like their dad. Is this overrated? What does "There is nothing like your own" really mean? A family is what you make of it. My friends are my family too.

Will we or won't we?

The information gathering continues and the soul searching endures ...

And now, glad to have this out and in the open of this unique blog space, I can let my thoughts relax for now knowing that the fact that I even had the nerve to begin this blog must mean something.

Till next time!

Thanks for reading my first blog entry. Wow. I did it.