Where We Stand Today ...

This morning Gary and I went to the 63rd Precinct yet again to get our fingerprints. These were a REDO of ones we had done in October 2008 and had sent to West Virginia for our FBI Records, a requirement for the dossier. Due to the lag in our home study materials, the prints we did back in October were considered "old" and needed a more current date. Therefore, it was done again today. Hopefully, these will not be rejected. We took Eden with us, and the officers were kind to give her a little workbook/coloring book on what Police Officers do. She seemed to have fun there.

I had grown to like Officer S., a quiet and kind officer who always did our prints, and was so kind each time we had to come back for reprints, never accepting additional money from us. Even today, because of "all our troubles", she ripped up the $32 check I had written out to the NYPD for their fingerprinting services. She is actually retiring next week -- I had always thought I'd like to introduce our little boy to all the people who'd been so kind to us along the journey. I told her I was hoping to get to show her the little boy she's been so helpful in getting to America -- and she wrote down her email address. I will most certainly alert her when he has arrived!

Later on, I compiled all my prints, with my record request letter and went to the Post Office for my Money Order and shipped everything off to the FBI Record Request location in West Virginia. Journey Home ... I mean With Hope and Love (old habits die hard -- trying to recall to mind easily the new name of our agency) had been so diligent in preparing the dossier collection binder so that each step really has been spelled out so easily for me. It may seem like a lot of paperwork, and it is, but if done in small steps, it has been very doable. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment that now I can move forward on these fronts.

Today, I witnessed my friends 15 month old son signing two word sentences -- for example, "more grapes" and "more book." It filled me with such an excitement to begin the signing process within this year again. I know that I will most likely begin signing the first day I meet our little boy -- when I play with him, surely I will sign "more!" for all the silly things we do. I borrowed a friends Flip and was able to make a little video. I think this can absolutely become a new tech-addiction for me! Please be sure to PAUSE my playlist at bottom of screen in order to properly hear video.


I was walking to a store today and I saw a hip looking Asian guy handing out flyers in front of a store front. I wasn't going to take one but then did and he said something to me in Russian. I was like -- huh? I shouldn't be so surprised -- in my little Brooklyn enclave, which has a very large Russian population, I have seen many Asian looking people (mostly women) speaking Russian. On my way back, I got up my nerve to say "I hope you don't mind my asking -- I have a friend who you look so much like! (I was actually thinking of Henry.) Are you from Kazakhstan by any chance?" He said no he was from Russia. When I looked closely, he had Asian eyes that were light blue. It was quite shocking. Another worker at the store heard what I said and laughed -- he said "I look more Kazakh than he does because of my eyes!" He was Caucasian looking with very almond shaped eyes. Although they were not Kazakh, it was sort of an interesting exchange and meet up in light of my process today.

I felt closer to our goal today, proud of myself for moving things along swiftly again, and felt such a desire to just blurt out to Emma "We're really going to have a brother Emma!!" I kept my mouth shut -- I will wait a bit longer ... and then of course, make sure I have my video camera set up to capture the excitement when my girls discover they too will have a little boy of their own. They so love the boys we know -- Henry and Tyler. Just wait until they discover they get to enjoy a brother one day ... real soon!

Here I am with a little Flip sample again -- Emma will be thrilled to see her first solo YouTube appearance. Pardon my toy clutter in the video ;-) Again, please pause my playlist to be able to hear video.


I do feel excited today ... genuinely. However, it's also compounded with a slight caffeine buzz from my recent McDonald's coffee. Not jittery, just an overall sense of well being. Is that what caffeine does to you or perhaps ... it's just me.

Heading to pick up Eden shortly ... Turkey burgers for dinner tonight -- Oprah's recipe from Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort, party for kids tomorrow and in the evening, a rare chance to dress up and attend a wedding with Gary, hopefully feeling very snazzy with my new beautiful dress and recent 11 (!!) pound weight loss. I'm finally committing on a few areas of my life. Ahhh ... life is good.

Moving along

As of today, my Home Study will soon be joining my I600A application at the USCIS. Hopefully, they will receive it by Monday. I have heard it is a 4-6 week process for me to get the I171H (the *next* step in this process.) That is good news, as the web site listed months long of a wait.

So, throughout this whole process of my delays, I assumed/read/feared/worried/aquiesced to the fact that this process would take us well into 2010. However, Julie from our agency (formerly called Journey Home and now with a name change to With Hope and Love) told me that if our dossier paperwork is in by the end of April (and that seems feasible), that it should be a "paper pregnancy" of 6 months. So we're talking October or November of 2009. I could hardly believe it!!! This child, G-d willing, actually does live and breathe in this world now. He is living in wait, hopefully having a good, safe time with all his needs met, to the best of the caregivers' abilities. My eyes teared up yesterday when I allowed myself to wonder if he is possibly 4 months old or so? When my dear daughters were 4 months old, they were loved, coddled, kissed and squeezed, photographed, cooed at, tickled and massaged. How many times a day did I tell them I loved them? Each milestone, their roll overs, their tummy time, their ability to find their toes and (gosh!) suck on them, were marveled at. I can only hope that this Baby Boy is loved right now in the best way he is able to be loved. Once we are united, will make it up to him, all those missed kisses and hugs and sweet time, for all the days of his life.

I told Gary the timing is now almost 8 months away. The first night I told him this, his cold feet was so severe he could not talk about it. The next night, we were able to talk about the fact that we'll have to officially tell our family when all the paperwork is officially in -- so perhaps some time in May. Then, last night, we allowed ourselves to think of names ... though there was not too much thinking because Gary is set on this one particular name which I never thought we'd name our child. But wow, I might just have a son with as interesting a name as Eden ... Surely some will love it and many might not. But it does sort of fit with the wonder of this experience. Because I was not a fan of many negative comments regarding my joy at selecting Eden's name, including for weeks and months after she was born, I will not be sharing this name for a while. I have to get used to it myself ;-) If Gary has so wonderfully allowed us to add to our family in this way he never imagined, my G-d, I absolutely think I can have him call his son a name he adores.

Sweet success! AKA Our Home Study Arrives!

I am proud to annouce that this evening I checked my mail to find our Elusive and Oh So Spectacular Home Study Hard Copies. With eager fingers, I ripped open the white envelope and then sat down to objectively read the story of the Karp family. From my dreams back in 2006, here now in Feb. 2009 was a legal document that outlined our desire to adopt a child from the Republic of Kazakhstan, notarized and all. Reality set in and my eyes welled with tears. This was Us they were talking about! It was finally here ... this will really happen. And now I can move on with next steps and the all important I171H, which will take between 2 and 12 weeks to arrive. The I-171H is a document you ultimately receive from the INS after filing form I-600A - Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition, along with the application fee and all required documents, the Home Study being one of these documents. Being that I'm now home alone, I have included a self portrait of me from my (oops! dusty) mirror with the famed home study (with pertinent info hidden to protect our privacy of course.)



What is a Home Study -- for those who don't know and those who'd like to know more. The adoption home study is a detailed written report of your family compiled and prepared by a social worker. This can take about three months to finish (For us, due to various things both in and then four months of snafus beyond my control, it took about 7 months.) The adoption home study requires the prospective adoptive family to gather different documents, answer several questions, and explore their reasons for adopting. Through a series of visits and interviews the social worker can get a complete picture of who you are and what life is like in your family. The adoption home study is a part of the decision making process for both the prospective family and the workers. Not only can the adoption home study help the worker place a child into your home who would best fit into your family, but help the family and the worker decide if now is a good time for your family to adopt.

The adoption home study can include the following pieces of information. Keep in mind that each state or country, in an international adoption, may require different information. Our family backgrounds, education, neighborhood and community, physical health, financial statements (very detailed), criminal clearances (including FBI fingerprint checks and child abuse clearances), references from dear people in your life, interviews which include a visit to your home, description of other children in your home if applicable -- almost a biography of YOU in regards to your decision to adopt.

And now, we finally have it!


Today started out as an ordinary day. A slow morning, then some craziness from my kids followed by chaos, followed by Time Outs, followed by Eden falling asleep on her bed due to her own exhaustion. Emotionally drained, I, too, then took a nap to prep myself for my afternoon which was to involve caring for my dear friend Jen's children (age 4 and 15 months) for almost three hours, along with my own. It had been a long time since I had a few hours with a 15 month old -- to care, feed and diaper. Thankfully, and with the help of my marvelous mom who stayed with me to help man the forts, it came back easily.

Today reinforced a few things for me.
-- A 15 month old is a joy to be around.
-- It is exciting to be able to sign again (Tyler is a very active signer!)
-- Eden displayed no jealousy in my caring for Tyler (and really has never shown this when I have held babies.) For now, of course, as I can not be naive to think it will *never* rear its head.
-- Although Eden only has 2 friends, I'm glad she picked Kaitlyn as her main squeeze. They have an adorable and special friendship, made even more special by the fact that Jen and I know each other since childhood too.
-- Emma is a remarkable, trusted carer whose services I didn't request but who genuinely LOVED hamming for Tyler, making him laugh with the kooky things my daughter does when she thinks she's a rapper, holding him, feeding him, engaging him and having him lay on her.
-- Furthermore, it was reinforced to me what an amazing bridge other children are when dealing with babies and toddlers. The choice to eventually take our children to Kaz was not made lightly and now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Emma, and by that time, Eden, will surely help us all bond as a family in a way that perhaps Gary and I couldn't alone. We'd bond as parents to a baby, in a false sense of being a family of three ... but something about how Emma was with Tyler today, and she always is with Carolyn's Henry, has shown me that she will be the bridge that makes us feel like a true family of 5, fairly immediately. This is my hope, at least.

I told Emma and Eden tonight how proud I was of them, that after the rough start to our day, they showed themselves to be wonderful hosts, good friends and above all, really fantastic with a baby in the house. I rubbed my chin as if in thought and said to them ... "You know, your behavior tonight really showed me that you'd be wonderful sisters to a brother ... Hmmm, you are really making me think that it would be great to have a brother in the house." Eden smiled, and Emma squealed with her hands over her mouth and then said "When??? TOMORROW??!" I said these things take time. Again, just reinforcing to me how right I was/am, when I say I really can't announce anything to them officially until fairly soon before travel. Then we can really look at a calendar and know the reality of a brother would soon be upon us.

For now, a small blue and green globe sits on Emma's dresser and she often asks me to point out where her little friend Henry was born. Sometimes at night, we discuss how when the sun is shining brightly here, the sun has set over all the little children sleeping in Kazakhstan and now that we are ready for bed, all the little children are waking up over there. One day, she will be able to tell her little brother the same bedtime story.

With a happy heart and a knowledge that I can and do make my dreams into my reality, I bid you goodnight!


Above, Kaitlyn and Eden in their Unusually Serious Wedding Day Pose


Pretty much how Kaitlyn and Eden look every time they are together.


Above, my dad, Emma and oh so comfortable Tyler


And Emma, just chillaxin' and very comfy in the role of Big Sis

Oscar Inspiration

Just heard Jerry Lewis say this on the Oscar's tonight and had to google it.

I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
-- Stephan Grellet

Past week or so, Eden has been so testy and tempermental. She cries at the drop of a hat instead of "using her words", which is what an almost 4 year old should be doing. When she is sweet, this girl is so sweet you can eat her up. She is so gentle when she plays with her dolls and so kind and nurturing. But that is one side of her. When she is not so sweet, she is actually quite a bully to her older sister. She will hit, pinch and push while Emma does nothing back, thankfully. She has never hurt her back, but comes over to tell us, sometimes saying "Why is my sister so mean to me?" How did this happen, and have Gary and I done something to allow this to continue? Today we were more consistent (than usual?), taking her numerous times out of a birthday party when her behavior was less than "party-like." She doesn't even care when we take her out, she is very defiant and physically difficult to handle. And loud! Piercing shrieks and bucking. And then moments later, when she finally gets it under control, so sweet and adorable. I'm gonna have to be on the ball with this one. Could it also be low blood sugar, sometimes I have wondered that bc it could happen when she wakes up from a 12 hour sleep or sometimes before dinner. I will have to offer more frequent healthy snacks and see if this helps. I sure know that I'm nasty from this sometimes, and sometimes you don't feel especially hungry. Well, anyway, it is at moments like these during the past week where I, again, think to myself, what the heck am I getting myself into? Gary reminds me that Emma had difficult moments and now, her maturity and ability to "get it" and compose herself are remarkable. So, it is most likely that Eden too, with stricter parenting, will most likely outgrow this. I must reinstate the rewards chart! It worked ... Why did i let this go!? Tomorrow is a new day.

Today, reading Lea's post while she is in Kaz, I saw some photos of children in their cribs. One boy in particular caught my eye. He might not have been the cutest of the children, though of course he was really very cute. But he had the rounded pudgy face of the little Kazakh boy in my mind's eye. I kept staring at this photo. It was the boy I envision when I think about a baby being handed over to me ... remarkable.

It's been many days since I have heard that my home study had the completed information. However, I still wait for the hard copy. I hope it comes this week, I really have to get moving in my Journey to 5. How many times can I question its whereabouts? I'll call again in a day or so.

Well, goodnight dear friends ... Tomorrow school starts back again after a week off and a house full of sickness. Back to the busy life of school, classes and activities ...

A Re-Introduction to Us

I've been thinking how important it has been to follow along on the journey of others through their blogs. But yet some blogs I discover midway through their trip and I often don't have the time to go back to the beginning of the blogs of all those I follow. There is so much of the story that I often miss -- what came before? I thought I'd take this time to introduce myself and our Journey to 5 again in case there are some of you just jumping in now. Plus, Carolyn and Lea were jonesing for a longer post, so here goes.

Hi, my name is Stephanie and I'm 36 years old. This year (or most likely early 2010?), my husband and I, along with our now almost 4 and 7 year old daughters, will leave the familiar comforts of Brooklyn, New York for up to two months (or multiple trips?) to travel halfway around the world to Central Asia. There, we will meet and bring home the little brother we have all been waiting to adore. I have used this blog to chronicle our decision to adopt and the journey in our hearts (and eventually across the miles) to our son. In 2007, we struggled with the decision of how to expand our family (see early posts), and then over time with much education and insight, we joyously became certain that our son waits for us in Kazakhstan. Share with us as we experience the extensive legal paper chase that will culminate, eventually, in the triumphant joy of having all three of our children together in our arms for the first time ... 9,000 miles away from home.

In 2002, I had a once in a lifetime "birth story" experience when I gave birth on The Learning Channel's A Baby Story. Two beautiful daughters later, I wondered if I had the guts to forgo biology, to relinquish the miracle of birth and the idea of a new birth story to embark on an unexpected journey that would birth our family in an entirely new way. Would I make the choice to follow a dream I have had since childhood and add to our family through another sort of miracle -- international adoption?

Although I always desired three children, our family of four felt complete, even and perfect like a square. It was my dear daughters who actually showed me that my lap had room for one more. And the question of how to add to our family still lingered. In Portuguese, there is a word, "saudades", which means "nostalgia for something that never was." I began to miss the child I might never carry and give birth to, the child I knew we could still physically bring into our world. Still, there was a nameless child I saw in my mind. He looked nothing like our family, but he called me Mama. Over time, thanks to dozens of adoptive families who opened their hearts, shared their children with us and became our friends, and having read countless blogs, books and articles, I had a husband who -- although not fully on board at the time -- began to warm to the idea of adding to our family in a way he never envisioned. Outspoken friends and family were shocked and in disbelief when they found out we had no fertility challenges, that adoption was a loving choice we were making. My emotions were all over the place, my desires strong, but fears also were prevalent in my thoughts. In the end, I chose to listen to my heart when no one else was speaking. One year later, I was certain that this child who lived in my heart, our child, deserved to be a true possibility. And now, with full conviction and anticipation for what is to come (despite the many obstacles that prevented a smooth start and continue to plague our homestudy paperwork), my husband and I have officially begun the long, emotional and exhilarating journey of adding to our family through the miracle of international adoption.

Will my home study ever be complete? How many documents will have to be redone due to them already expiring? Will we do a three trip journey in a city such as Almaty or Astana? Will my husband be okay with the traveling? Will we manage the blind travel process as well as others have? Will my daughters adore their baby brother right away? How will my family handle living in a foreign country? Will we venture to try horse meat (a staple beef in Kaz?) How long will it take for us to feel like a family? Will I come to view the intense experience of adoption as more (or equal to) jubilant than child birth? Will I manage the conflicting feelngs of the loss of our son's birth parents and the only home he's ever known while simultaneously rejoicing at us becoming his family? Will our son simply be that ... our son?

If this has interested you, please feel free to read back in our journey from its inception. Follow along with us through our paperchase and future travel and our eventual return home as a family if five. As so many of the families out there have been inspirations and sources of education for me, I would love to be able to be the same source of inspiration for others and welcome any questions about our journey. This adoptive community has been a priceless gift to me. Thank you all!

Steph

(Above photo, a random slice of happy life, November 22, 2008)

One Step Closer

With happiness, I report -- I just got an email from our home study agent that she received the last of our clearances to complete our Home Study needs. Our child abuse and criminal records are clear, and after an unheard of 7 long months to complete the Home Study process, looks like soon enough we will *finally* be ready to move onto the next steps! Hallelulyah! Mazel Tov! And a hearty WOOOO HOOOOO!

Happy Birthday, dear Gary!

A huge happy birthday shout out is order for my dear Gary today. He turns 48 big ones! How does the time fly? And ... how am I married to a 48 year old? ;-) (Sorry, Gar.) Ah, yes, we are 11.5 years apart, and sometimes his numbers still surprise me. But then again, I am closer to 40 than I am to 30, so I shouldn't be talking. Age is a state of mind! Or so they say. I'm just absolutely grateful to have healthy, happy, evolving years with Gary for as long as we have. In fact, if truth be known, we went to a marriage counselor a few times in the past couple of months. Not because anything is wrong or out of the norm, but there is always room to grow. He wasn't really into it at first, but I think Gary's liking the results. G-d bless him for agreeing to go because I know many men who have refused to go to counseling with their wives, and I'm thankful my husband is, not necessary a fan of counseling, but rather a big enough fan of Steph, to want to go for me. I absolutely want the very best in my marriage and my life. I'm not ashamed to say I enjoy having a neutral party in my life a lot. If I'm so into self-development and my women's empowerment classes, then I also want to devote my energies to our family unit as well in this same manner. We used to go a while back as a family when Emma was having anxiety. We spoke a lot about parenting and then about us. I think it's really important to have an outlet like this. So that's my two cents on counseling! Since my mom will probably be appalled that I wrote this in my blog, I might second guess my honesty and remove this at some point. Until then, I have a feeling of midnight honesty and I'm just feeling so grateful now for Gary, so I'll leave it in. I'll see how I feel about it tomorrow! ;-)

Thanks to my friends who checked in on me and miss my blog posts. I have not had a lot to report on on the adoption front so I've been a bit quiet. But just today I found out that my recent set of fingerprints were approved and ... Gary's 3rd and 4th set were rejected yet again. Does this mean I have another two months of waiting for new cards and new results? I will speak to the home study agent on Monday to see what actions can be taken. I am disappointed but not letting it get to me. I am reminded often of Sarah's many "rejections", and those snafus were what led her to her wonderful daughter. So that is the way life goes.

I am thinking that with all that is going on, however, I'm hoping that 2010 will be our year. I can't imagine that it's all going to happen this year any more. When I first began, I thought Eden was too young to be a big sister and deal with the ramifications of being a "middle child" so soon. She still had so many needs. Now, most likely, she'll be 5 when she becomes a big sister, and Emma will be 8. Certainly, they'll be older than I'd planned, and so will I. I guess I'll be close to 38. Which means, if I did ever decide to get pregnant again, I'd be close to 40. Again, these "lucky" delays would be pushing me into different ages than I'd originally thought. And maybe that age would actually make it an impossibility to have a child for me. If it was a desire at all. Most likely this little boy will complete our family unit and there will be no journey to 6. Even if so, I'm not giving up due to time delays. I was recently asked if I want "my own child too" (their words, not mine) -- and I adamantly said "Right now, I'm only focused on our adoption, nothing else." I am amazed at myself sometimes that I'm still going strong. But it's no longer myself I think about. I know that this child is actually relying on us. So there is absolutely NO WAY I will turn my back on my child, even if he is not yet born. This is the child that my proverbial red thread is attaced to, and I will not ignore it just because of age, numbers or timing. When it happens, it will be the right time.

We got Eden a doll for Hanukkah and it was so cute and little. While the kids were asleep, Gary was holding the doll looking at it. And so unlike him to "pretend", he got behind me and held the doll in front of us, and faced us both into the reflection from my kitchen glass door. He said "Our first family photo. Hi, everyone, meet X! (fill in Baby Boy name which we may or may not name our child.)
I thought it was pretty great that he did that. With all the waiting and logistics going on, we haven't spoken too much about the reality again. So the fact that his statement seemed to show he did have a picture in his head and a vision of bringing Baby Boy home was pretty great.

Speaking of dolls, I am so proud of Emma. Last night, she had a Kris Kringle gift exchange at her Brownie meeting (it was delayed from Christmas time.) The entire day, she could barely contain herself, she was so excited for what the evening's meeting would bring, and what kind of gift she would pick, etc. etc. She came home that night and showed me her long awaited gift. She wound up selecting a gift that she doesn't like -- some faux Barbie dolls whose skin color was actually a mottled gray. She doesn't and never has played with dolls. She is a notebook girl, arts and crafts, Wii games, guitar player ... but I digress. Anyway, it was her friend's gift that she'd picked, and although disappointment probably laid like a stone in her stomach, she simply said "I love it!" Now, I have certainly not taught her to hide her feelings. She has to speak up if anything is bothering her, but she is so sensitive to others' needs as well, that she absolutely did not want to hurt her friends' feelings. The leader gave some girls an opportunity to exchange, but Emma's friend was so happy that it was Emma who got her gift, that Emma didn't want to break her heart. I know the difference between what Emma did and stifling your own feelings even though you are miserable. Emma actually wasn't miserable about this gift, despite looking so forward to the gift exchange. She simply let it go and valued her friends feelings, which I thought was so very mature for a 6 year old. But Emma wound up getting a surprise when she got home. I was so proud of how she handled herself, that I gave her just a few little trinkets I had not given her for Hannukah -- sticker sheets, a craft box to put beads in, and a pencil case. Man, you would have thought I gave her a Wii game with her excitement. Then it got me thinking ... is she just being polite yet again?! ;-) No, I think I just know my daughter and the little things that make her happy ... and she was.

In closing, I just wanted to say that I'm so pleased that I have so many people I can share the waiting with and the disappointments and just the reality of the adoption process and how we stand in the process. Thank you to all my blog friends and a huge thank you to my friends who treat the process as if it actually is happening, despite nothing yet to show for it. During this trying time, I only want to hear stories that support the feelings in my heart, and it is to your support that I turn.

Gearing up for a family party for Gary in our house tomorrow. Baking is all done, but there are a few hot spots left to declutter! Time for me to sign off. More to come ...

Peace out!
Steph